Frequently Asked Questions

A flight of fancy in which a new resident engages in a dialogue about his or her new home.

Help! Where have all the hills gone?
Welcome to the Fens -- the word ‘hill’ has a different meaning around here, as you’ll see if you take the A47 to Peterborough: look out for Gedney Hill! But never mind, give it a couple of years and you’ll be experiencing vertigo when you see the Gog Magog Hills outside Cambridge. Nordelph, by the way, is about 3 metres above sea level.

Does that mean I’m going to get flooded?
Nordelph hasn’t flooded within living memory, and probably never has. If you want to feel more secure, drive out a mile towards Outwell to the Mullicourt Aqueduct. Well Creek is a good 6 or 7 metres above the lower watercourse. The whole of the Fens would have to flood to this depth before Well Creek residents need get worried.

That’s good news -- I bet my insurance company will be pleased.
Don’t count on it! With an eye on your premiums, they tend to concentrate on the fact that Well Creek marks the boundary of the Wash flood plain to the north and the Fens flood plain to the south. But don’t despair! We can let you have copies of correspondence between residents and the Middle Level Commissioners that puts a more cheerful light on things.

What’s all this dark soil around? I thought that earth was all clay.
It’s called peat -- it’s good for growing things. They sell it in bags in other places.

OK, I’ve got that. Now -- why are there so many heavy lorries around all the time?
You don’t listen, do you? Peat is good for growing things -- so the farmers grow things. That means that they have to take them to factories or distributors. You’re not one of those people who think that vegetables grow in plastic bags on Tesco’s shelves are you? If you want to know what the lorries are carrying at any time, go and wait by Nordelph bridge: that’s where they shed their loads.

Talking about roads, why are there so many repairs going on all the time?
You’d better get used to this answer: it’s because you’re in the Fens. Many minor roads just sit on a bed of peat and move and crack with the seasons. On the bright side, Silt Road usually has a good surface, because it’s rarely more than 18 months old.

How come this beautiful view is spoiled by the pylons marching across the landscape?
Don’t say I didn’t warn you -- it’s because you’re in the Fens! The ground isn’t suitable for burying utilities. You just have to put up with it. The swans do.

Pardon?
The swans who migrate into the Welney Wetlands Reserve every Winter. They fly into the power cables all the time.

How do you know?
The lights keep going out. The swans short circuit the supply and we lose power. Don’t worry though -- there’s an automatic device that waits just long enough for all your digital clocks to need resetting and then turns the supply back on.

It’s nice and peaceful here, isn’t it?
You’re joking! Are you deaf, or just an aircraft spotter? We’re ringed by military airfields. Score ten points if you can see the pilot’s eyes.

OK, OK. So where do I go to get some shopping?
Downham Market.

But what about just a pint of milk?
Downham Market.

So it’s Downham Market for a newspaper too?
Not quite. The Fenland Express cafe in Downham railway station is a Post Office and sells magazines and newspapers. It’s fractionally nearer than Downham town centre.

Well thanks for all that. By the way, what are those woolly animals grazing on Well Creek bank called?
Baa!

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